Honoring Grief During the Holidays
Rev. Sheri Ferguson
United Methodist Pastoral Care and Counseling
205-824-8320
Where there is sorrow there is holy ground. Oscar Wilde
1) Accept the likelihood of your pain.
Remember, your pain is a sign you have been blessed to be close to another person. You have loved and you’ve been loved. The hurt you feel is an indication of your wonderful humanness, your sensitivity, your ability to love.
2) Feel whatever it is you feel.
Some people may try to hurry you through your grief. As much as you can, own up to the fact that something terribly important has happened in your life, and this naturally causes a reaction within you. People generally feel sadness, depression, anxiety, fear, anger, guilt, or apathy and numbness.
3) Express your emotions.
“Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.” Shakespeare
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Jesus
4) Plan ahead.
You can give thought to how you will cope with those parts of your celebration that are especially emotionally laden, or how you will handle those tasks or roles that were the special responsibility of your loved one.
5) Take charge where you can.
Keep in mind ways you can assume some control over your life. Eating healthy, exercising, and proper sleep are actions you can take to take care of yourself. Practice those disciplines that bring you energy.
6) Turn to others for support.
7) Be gentle with yourself.
Rest. Avoid committing yourself to doing more than you have the physical and psychological energy to handle. You may desire more time in solitude or in nature.
8) Remember to remember.
You may wish to keep a “linking object” near to help
you feel some comfort. This could be some object that
belonged to the deceased or is a reminder to you of them.
Small rituals of intentional remembrance are helpful as well.
Some find volunteering or contributing something in honor of
the deceased to be meaningful.
9) Search out and count your blessings.
One secret to handling the holidays is to stay in the present
moment as much as possible. Savor what there is to savor,
however small.
10) Do something for others.
11) Give voice to your soul.
You may be one whose faith is obvious in your life.
You may naturally turn to the resources of your
religious experience and find a foundation there that
anchors you. Assurances from the ages may calm
your fears and enrich your understanding.
12) Harbor hope.
Almost all people who experience the loss of a loved
one recover their original interest in life again. It
takes time, but it happens. It takes effort, but it
unfolds. You can hope you will be transformed as a person. You can hope this experience will draw you
closer to others. You can hope that you will integrate
this loss into your life, so that you’re growing wiser as
well as older. You can hope that when you need to
endure, perseverance will be yours.
God our creator, our center, our friend, we thank you for our good life, for those who are dear to us, for our dead, and for all who have helped and influenced us. We thank you for the measure of freedom we have, and the extent to which we control our lives; and most of all we thank you for the faith that is in us, for our awareness of you and our hope in you. Keep us, we pray you, thankful and hopeful and useful until our lives shall end. AMEN.
A New Zealand Prayer Book
Taken from: Miller, J. E. How Will I Get Through the Holidays?
Smith, H.I A Decembered Grief: Living with Loss While Others are Celebrating